Let me just start off this entire blog by saying, i’m pretty sure i suck at writing them and staying consistent, much like my diaries.. don’t expect to see a new entry every week, unless i’m really in the mood to write for awhile. i may just forget about this thing entirely like i have many times before.
Second. i am not a professional, not in the BDSM sence, not as a writer and i’m sure as hell not a mental health professional.
i’m just a woman, that feels the need to express.
Third, i have to say this for my own conscience. BDSM can be extremely dangerous and fatal. Not just in the wrong or inexperienced hands but factually in anyone’s hands. Just think of the magician Houdini, he had tons of experience, and look at that outcome, even in a controlled environment things can go terribly wrong. I suggest if you are or want to get into the BDSM community that you read. read everything about it you can. And go to a munch, meet some people you can befriend and ask questions, esspecially about the things you read. And always remember, everyone you encounter perceives BDSM and life in general, different than you or i.
Fourth. i do my best to maintain anonymity, names will be changed and to be respectful to my Dominant i will refrain from sharing our scenes in detail, so if you’re looking to get your rocks off to some naughty writing this is not the blog for you, that being said there will be subjects (and possibly pictures) in this blog that are NSFW, R-rated (possibly XXX-rated), explicit language and subjects… if any of this offends you or you are underage i suggest you find something else to read…..
Last, you are more than welcome to give a respectful reply or comment. But please keep in mind “if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all” because i am a real person, I have feelings. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated, however.
Now, it’s time for a little back story.
my Husband and i were married some years ago in October, when we started dating only two months prior, we both immediately knew we had found our other halves. Our second date was bondage a-go-go in SF. We were for all intensive purposes, inseparable after discovering our passion for one another, similarities and differences, mutual love of kink and curiosity of all things related to it. Not to mention i, like so many women, had never had another person give me the evasive climax.. that was a huge part of it… not gonna lie…
If you were to look in on our marriage from the outside, we would look very similar to any other couple, with the exception of being much happier than we should be for being married this long. That’s not to say everything has been perfect. When times are bad… it’s really fucking bad. i know, i know! When people say this i roll my mind’s eye and usually take it as cliche or this person probably doesn’t realize bad times are part of life. Let me put “really bad” into perspective for you; a year ago today i left my husband… and when i say “left” I mean no note, i burned my phone and just left. Which he then responded to by filing for a divorce. Sometime after September we got back together. Hearts broken and trust seriously fractured.. and this wasn’t the first time.
Most people give up on a situation like this, because they believe that once trust is frayed that it cannot be repaired. i will tell you from personal experience, that is not true. Trust can be rebuilt through transparency and determination… and, if you are anything like my Husband and i BDSM lends a beautiful mind fuck that almost forces people to trust eachother, but “forces” is far from reality if you really know what BDSM entails.
And for godsakes do not take this as i’m telling every lady or guy out there that’s been cheated on or is terrified of that happening to go out and buy a flog and some rope because that will fix all your problems. It might, it might make things worse, you do what’s right for you, this just so happens to be what’s right for me.
my Husband is a switch, He is older than me by quite a bit, which i never notice… except for a couple older movies he likes with absolutely horrid graphics… and sometimes he remembers events from the prehistoric era of which i’ve only read about in my high school history book, ha. He is unique, ethnic, eccentric, loving, obsessive, and from what i’ve gathered He would do absolutely anything to keep me well and happy. He is my absolute everything! What you would probably perceive looking at us in public is he is very very pussy wipped or very old fashioned, and dotes on me hand and foot and spoils me like i’m a queen. He really looks like a submissive to people in the community.
As for me.. I am a switch, i’m a very spunky yet delicate woman, i speak my mind freely and frequently. i seem to give the final say on most of the decisions. i can actually come off as a controlling bitch a lot of the time. i take the attention my Husband gives humbly but it’s obviously just how we roll. i look like a Dominant to people in the community.
As you may have gathered, looks can be deceiving.
The funny thing about switches.. is that we can be both. i have currently assumed the role of submissive/slave in a very “tailored to us” fashion. In the past i’ve been the dominant. Currently I wait on my Dominant hand and foot, when not that long ago the roles were reversed. We can even switch in the middle of a scene if both of us agree to it.
Doesn’t that get confusing you ask? Why yes, yes it does! i’m still trying to figure it out! Some of you must be wondering the same thing people wonder when they see a same sex couple, “how do they decide who’s the dude?” i’ve heard this question many times… and the answer is (i know this because as well as being a switch, i’m Bi.) it’s just not like that at all! There usually are no solid gender roles for homosexuals. As with BDSM there is no solid power/control role for switches, the power/control is on a scale that tips according to His mood, my mood and the general mood of our marriage and life.
It can be confusing, but for the most part with good communication we come to a lot of compromises and agreements. Then there are times when no communication happens and feelings get hurt or needs aren’t met… if unaddressed these things fester into an unbearable pit of doom. Usually my fault for not communicating properly or not listening to my Husband telling me his needs or concerns. Life is a work in progress, you have your faults too, don’t judge me!
Back to BDSM and maybe wrapping up this introduction so you know why you might be interested in reading my next post (tbd publishing date).
We are currently starting a new 24/7 BDSM relationship, contract, collar and all… which has put the wild hair up my ass to start this confounded blog idea. i’ve been contemplating this and feel that it’s a wonderful idea. i don’t see much stuff on the internet about married switches (maybe i’m just not looking hard enough) and i would love to give a peek to interested people about what really goes on behind closed doors, and inside the mind of a switch… or at least this switches mind. i felt that a fresh relationship and something as uncommon as 24/7 would be a great starting point to discuss the dynamics of not only BDSM through my perspective, but also the ups and downs of being a switch married to a switch, and the dedication needed for a 24/7 lifestyle.
As our relationship changes or evolves the subjects and focuses of this blog may change and evolve.. i’ll be sure to keep you… abreast… hope you read more, and feel free to let me know if there’s anything specific to our relationship you’d like me to write about!
Happy spanking everyone.
In case you were curious: The lack or use of capitalization on specific words (i.e. “me” being lowercase even at the beginning of a sentence, or “He” being uppercase always) is completely intentional and a subsequent dynamic of being in my Dominant’s 24/7 charge. It is a show of respect and acknowledgement of my place in the BDSM relationship. i don’t care if it bothers you, so suck it.