i had the pleasure of having a conversation with a fellow submissive. we had gotten into conversations before about other BDSM topics.
she asked me how I did it, surprised and somewhat flattered i asked her, “do what?”. And she says, “how do you be such a good submissive?” and to this i laughed.
And i began to explain to her what i’m going to tell those of you wondering the same question, “how to be a good submissive”.
There is no right answer to this question because every Dominant is different and expects different things from His submissive. And every relationship has it’s own dynamics. But I can give you an idea on how to figure the answer out.
lets just start off with the disclaimer that i’m not a perfect submissive, nobody is, because we are human. i still get paddled for mistakes i’ve made.
The title of this should really be “How to win your Dominant’s heart”. Obidience, knowing the rules and not breaking them. To get the privileges i do… like being allowed to play with His body while Master is at work, you may have to do more or less than i do during play time depending on the relationship. i’m pretty lucky, so long as i obey the rules and ask, i get quite a bit of freedom during the day.
A huge part of it really is about your training, didn’t you go through some level of training? (for 24/7 I was also day trained) If you haven’t it’s something you should bring up because, how are you supposed to know what your Dominant expects if He doesn’t show you or explain some things? And if you did go through training, and you don’t remember it, shame on you! Go tell your Dominant you didn’t pay attention and ask Him to retrain you, and for godsakes pay attention this time.
Training is crucial to being a submissive. It lets you inside the mind of your Dominant, He should be showing and possibly telling you what is okay and what is strictly forbidden. If He’s not telling you and you need to be told then ask, telling you or not is still His prerogative, obviously.
Simply put remember the dos and don’ts of your training and practice them fully to your dominants specifications, i am under 24/7, i practice the rules my Master has given me all day, every day. That’s one way of being a good submissive. The training continues throughout the relationship in a non “formal training” way when you play out scenes with your Dominant, He is constantly teaching and guiding you, let Him and learn what he has to teach you.
Also, it is your responsibility to take his beliefs and believe them. If you can’t do that you aren’t in a collaring type relationship in my opinion. you have to be able to believe in the rules He has set down, you should relate to it, it should be a part of who you are as it is a part of your Master… you are His, that means you are to reflect Him in all the ways He wishes you to and refrain from practices He forbids. Otherwise you will end up wondering why you’re still getting heavy beatings daily instead of a swat sprinkled through the week.
Also, something i will do often is think of things my Master likes or mentions and do them often, no not that cock sucking trick he taught me, well yes but i’m referring to little things throughout the day. If He mentions His feet hurt when He comes home i rub them, without being asked. If he mentions something has to be done in the house, i do it. If He mentions the cup of coffee i just handed him is perfect, i make it that way every time. Now this is all on my own doing, it’s not in the contract it’s not something He asks of me. i do these things because i love and respect Him, because i believe as he has taught me, and because i love to see Him smile.
Of course this can be helpful for the more masochist submissives but they are two separate issues, i’m addressing submissives that are maybe less masochistic or littles that don’t like punishments. submissives that really want to submit themselves and let their Dominant teach them, build them as a person.
Don’t get me wrong the lines are all blurred for me i love my occasional heavy flogging or paddling in a non discipline fashion. But most the time i just want and need to submit and punishments are in place to keep my head in that space, He tells me why he is punishing me and makes it very clearly punishment.
So yeah, it’s nothing profound once you figure it out. Don’t take training lightly, and believe as your Dominant does..
always remember, we are all different 😉