Journal 7 – If you’re not going to fuck me…

You better mind fuck me!

i’ve been saying this for a week or maybe more now. We’ve been stressed. my Master has a test today. Last night He opted out of class to be home and study, He didn’t end up studying.

We ended up talking instead. About the stress. What we would do if x,y or z were to happen. He admitted the stress was too much for Him mentally and sexually He has been shutting down, we’ve both noticed, i’ve done my best not to make a big deal out of it. 

i’ve realized that i don’t need sex itself to be satisfied at the end of the night, see “more than just a nympho”. But He confessed He knew tonight was out of the cards for His pleasure due to stress. But i still needed something, and it wasn’t Him giving me an orgasm. 

i had an idea.. I looked at Him intently, He cocked His head to the side curiously (He does this when He wants me to tell Him what i’m thinking) i said, “well, if you’re not going to fuck me, maybe you could mind fuck me?” 

He did His “i’m feeling lazy” act and I responded with, “you missed those three or four shots i took while you weren’t looking” (we obviously have rules and protocols on this subject) 

That was when He started to get motivated, “you do know the punishment for that don’t you?” 

“Yes, i do” He back handed whiped my ass with the tips of His fingers “yes i do, Sir”

Two spankings, per cheek, per shot that wasn’t asked for. 

He lectured me, when it’s punishment i always think it’s fun, at first. That’s why it’s punishment, if i want fun spankings i can ask. But the only way I could see getting attention from Him was this route.. Better any attention than none as they say, i crave being connected to my Master.

He has quite a heavy hand with punishments, He could bruise my ass with one spank if He wanted to. 

We both came last night, my expectations were zero, i had no hope we would actually do anything… i think that i was “fine” with Him not cumming and myself not cumming in combination with the punishment was what helped the night go more in the direction i had hoped for.

i’ve been wet constantly, and after last night it’s worse. i feel like i’m in heat ha. It’s not funny because He is so damn stressed right now. 

He will have a long break after tonight, I want to serve His every need. If i could i would take His shifts at work for this short break from school. i want to help Him rest and pamper Him. i just don’t know how. 

You see, i have scoliosis, which even though i’m in treatment for, can terrorize even the simpilist of tasks. The pain and headaches can make any plans difficult to keep. So, even though i plan to spoil Him the next two weeks, i’m fearful i won’t be able to and it’s depressing because i know He needs it. He works His ass off to support me and our son, i just wish I could show Him i appreciate everything.


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